My untitled book that is also on FH Forum

[Haylee]

This is also on the FH Forum, but since I have written more of it and can't post it there, I'm going to post it here in hopes of getting feedback. Please be critical!

Prolouge

"Now go, my minion," said the Silver Queen to the shining beetle in her musical voice. "Go, and join others to our army."
With her beautifully graceful fingers she sent the green glowing beetle soaring through the mouth of the cave without even touching his sleek body.

Meanwhile...

A single cry echoed through the nearly empty hospital. Only a newborn baby, a frantic nurse, a tearful father and a dead mother remained. The mother had passed away while giving birth. The father looked at the child with such sorrow, the poor nurse began sobbing.
A new nurse arrived to relieve the crying one. "Excuse me, sir," the nurse asked the father. "I need the girl's name for the birth certificate."
The man hesitated a moment before replying with a hoarse voice, "Cathleen. Cathleen Derigando. After her mother."

I'll post the first chapter if you like this

[<3puppies]

I like it!

[Haylee]

Thanks Any things you think I should change?

[<3puppies]

no, I think that's good enough.

[Haylee]

OK, I'll post teh next chapter if more people like this.

[<3puppies]

ok.

[Haylee]

...And after I finish the first chapter.
I wrote the first chapter, but then realized that I needed to do something before that happened, so I changed that to the second chapter. So now I have the second chapter done, but I'm in the middle of the first chapter.

[zelf]

I want more!

[dramagirl13]

YES PLZ!!!

[<3puppies]

*thinks everyone is so demanding lol*


MORE PLEASE!!!!!

[forumdude]

Just give her some time...

[<3puppies]

yes we will lol

[zelf]

nooooo! I will not give her time! she must get it done in twenty seconds! ((JK))

[<3puppies]

lol

[dramagirl13]

ARE YOU GONA POST MORE???

[Haylee]

Yah, I've been working on it and am almost done. Sorry it is taking so long! I haven't had time to work on it that much. Just a little bit before I go to bed. I"ll get it done soon.

[<3puppies]

give her some space and time >.<

[Haylee]

OK, so I kind of ended it weird because SOME PEOPLE (Hint, hint) forced me to just end it! So here it is, I hope you're happy!

Chapter one
Thirteen Years Later

"Cathleen, Cathleen! Guess what? I did it! I'm in the cheer squad!" yelled Addison, my best friend, her freckled face beaming with delight.
"Good for you! I said, trying to be supportive.
"You can still try out, you know," she hinted.
"I gotta go. Dad needs my help," I said as I hastily ran to my nearby duplex house.
My father had texted me saying he needed my help figuring out Microsoft Word on his new computer. I was very surprised he could even fiure out how to text me- he was terrible with technology.
When I opened the door to my small house, I didn't see my dad anywhere. Then I saw the note on the table next to a large slice of chocolate cake with whipped cream instead of icing on the top- just the way I liked it. The note read:
Happy b-day, Sweethart! Enjoy this cake! I'm at another job interview and thought you might want a break from Addison's cheerleading obsession for a little while. I'll be home in time to take you out to dinner!

XOXO
-Dad

I sighed happily. Good old dad. He always knew me. Thank you, Dad! I thought as I dug into the delicious cake.

[<3puppies]

0.0

[Haylee]

Um... What is that supposed to mean?

[<3puppies]

that was weird...

[Haylee]

Weird? Weird how? You didn't like it? How should I change it???

[<3puppies]

well...the prologue sounded interesting. But you turned it into a birthday...

[dramagirl13]

Well that is just hte begining i think its a good start, only iv got a few things i thin kthat instead on saying THIRTEEN YEARS LATER you should say it in the chapter, and also in stead of callying her Cathleen call her Cat. but those are just suggestins

[zelf]

we could have waited for the big chunk of stuff that is inbetween. besides. we have tons of exsperince waiting for fablehaven books.

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