Why We Hide

"no!" I shouted at her face. I've decided how i'm going to do this ok? The only way we'll ever survive is together. You know that. We live together, or we die together, nothing else!"

"I..don't respond kindly to those tones" I managed to say quietly. My gaze was fixed on the perfect bows my shoe laces made, trying not to allow the tears to fall from my eyes.

I put my hands on her shoulders and looked into her beautiful gold eyes. "Shirlee," I started, "I know that we don't now eachother very well and I know that you probobally don't want this. But, I love you, Shirlee. And I can't let you leave me."

I blinked away the tears and found the gold eyes watching mine. Why was it said that clouds' lining was silver rather than gold? Either way, my eyes coulded again as Itook a step closer to hide my face in his shoulder as I cried.

"It's ok," I said, trying to calm her. "It'll be ok."

I tried to breathe deeply, but I looked back up, kind of disgusted. "Your clothes smell like scented dryer sheets" I said, my voice still thick with emotion. Such trivial things that still mattered to me, like my hate for the dryer scents.

"That doesn't matter. What matters is us being together, and alive. We're smart, we can outthink them. Lets go and make things better."

I smile broke through my tear-drenched face as I took his hand.

"You ok?" I asked her quietly.

"Running for my life, mixed with the dreaded smell from scented dryer sheets, having somebody snap at me, hormones, lack of sleep and missing my own home and bed and best friend... It kind of makes a girl break down."

"I'm sorry for snapping at you...it's just that...I don't know what I'd do without you, And I'll do anything to keep you here."

"It will be alright in a bit, maybe. But now my make up is messed up."

"Don't worry," I said to her, smiling. "You're just as beautiful as always." and with that I gave her a nice, long kiss on the lips.

My face grew hot and when we finally broke, I couldn't breathe. "You've got to quit doing that." I mock scolded as my fingers laced into his. Then with a bit more serious tone, "I can't think properly when my mind is racing and the chemicals are raging. We both know that the only way for you and I to survive this together is if we are using our minds at top function." How could I explain without causing pain? "Kyle I don't want to loose you: you're everything to me right now and its because of this that I am going to put my foot down. We can't be a couple right now. I simply cannot afford to think of you that way. Everybody I've ever been close to has gotten hurt in ways that would hurt too much to describe and it would kill me if they got to you." Too big picture, heartbreaking? I could read that much in his eyes. I sucked in a quick breath. "Save your kisses as will I and by the time we get out of this there will be a thousand waiting just for us."

I was heartbroken. But her argument made sense. She was clearly a master of the use of logos...not really pathos at all, but well, you can't win them all.
"I understand," I muttered. "But every time I look into your eyes...something overcomes me-I just want to be near you and to press you against me and to kiss you and..." My voice trailed off.

Weren't our roles traditionally reversed? What could I do to help? If only I had super powers... I looked at my backpack trying to think what I had in it. That would work. Digging out a small orange meds tube I handed him a little capsule. "Trust me"

"I do," i responded. "But tell me what the pill is, and what it will do to me."

"You wouldn't recognise the name. It'll just help you calm down. Eases emotional/physiological pain. and NO its not an illegal drug. It works similar to depression meds, but more over the counter like."

"Why exactly do you have this...um...mystical drug?"

"When my brother Kyle died, my dad did some reaserch. Depression meds didn't work with me and after extensive studying, he found this. Took us a trip to Europe to get it though."

"So...you're trying to give me anti-depression meds?" I asked. "you know i'm not depressed, right?"

"I was not depressed thats what the problem was. Thats not what it is exactly. and" I just got mad and threw the whole thing on the ground.

"oh...wow know...relax." I said trying to soothe her. I hugged her. "It'll be ok."

"Thats beside the point!" I tried to protest but something about his voice and the seemingly noxious smell of laundry sheets make me calm down.

I stared into her eyes. "I never meant to make you angry. I was obnoxious, and i know that and it's something i have to get better at."